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Bigfoot, oh how I’ve missed thee

When is the last time you heard anything in the news about bigfoot? I was beginning to think that he might not be real. Actually why is Bigfoot always referred to as a he? I would assume there would have to be some she’s as well. Maybe they self-fertilize in some way which might explain why they don’t need to maintain a breeding population that would make their existence obvious.

Anyway, I just ran across this latest sighting of Sasquatch in Borneo. Pretty typical story, not a lot of detail but that’s ok because it actually reveals enough details to sound fishy (or sasquatchy).

Local businessman Tan Soon Kuang from the Daro district said that each footprint measures 47 inches from heel to toe and 17 inches sideways, clearly too gigantic for any normal human being.

47 inches??? That’s 1.2 meters to anyone not in the U.S. That’s a freaking HUGE foot. Not just a size 20 or something outlandish. Let’s put that in perspective on an average sized man, 5′ 10” (or 1.77 meters). If you were laying down and this guy stepped on you, his heel would be on your face and his toes would be at your knees. Now imagine what kind of creature would be attached to those feet.

I measured my foot and a co-workers (who now will avoid me like the plague) and then extrapolated the rough foot-to-height ratio, 1-in foot length to 7-inches in height. If we were to assume fairly normal proportions to a man then this creature would be 27 feet tall (8.25 meters). I would think someone would have noticed a 27-foot hairy man roaming around the forest. Even if we assume the Bigfoot has half the foot-to-height ratio, he would still be 13 feet tall and look more like a hairy clown. Again I would think that someone would have noticed a creature tall enough to walk by your house and look in a second-story window.

I’m not saying it’s not possible, well, yeah, that’s kind of what I’m saying I guess. In case, you were wanting to visit and were wondering if it would be difficult to visit,

The villagers are now clearing up the footpath leading to the large footprints in anticipation of more people coming to have a look at the footprints.

That’s convenient.

If you can’t afford to travel to Borneo to try (and by some miracle) find a 25-foot creature you could just borrow the money because Bushnell Outdoor Products and Field & Stream magazine are offering a $1,000,000 prize for a verfiable photo of real live Sasquatch. Who’s going to judge this contest,

A panel of judges consisting of Field & Stream editors will select the winning entries based equally upon the criteria of quality of picture and relevance to contest.

It’s not as bad as it might seem since they are also running parallel to this contest a “Best Attempt to Cheat Bushnell out of $1M” contest as well. They are actually offering a prize dedicated specifically to the fakes they will inevitably receive. That is actually genius. I’ll be interested to see how many of the fakes will look very convincing. I’m thinking about doing this myself. I know 2 insanely tall guys and a guy in my neighborhood who’s an avid hunter and probably has a trail camera. Now all I need is a gorilla suit and some beef jerky and we’re set.

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2 Responses

  1. Maakuz says:

    First it´s Chewbacca, and now it´s grown to King Kong?? Or, maybe we have two different species that evilution (misspell intended:) ) has made invisible to protect the rest of the population, and the visible ones are there to attract consumable animals?

    Nevermind scientific proof, we have shady footprints!!

    Folklore like this <<< Science. I wish more people could grasp that…

  2. jazzencat says:

    Hehehe… nice article. I think what you’re trying to get at is you are agnostic about the existence of bigfoot, but you consider the odds to be rather improbable, yes?

    Unfortunately, even a clear photograph of a live bigfoot wouldn’t be accepted by a sceptic since we have amazing special effects that bring King Kong and a herd of Dinosaurs to life, not to mention dragons, treents, ghosts, and other assorted mythical beasts. The camera might not lie, but a computer with a clever human will…

    I believe when the camera was first invented some jokester made images of faeries and took pictures of them as “proof”. It was quite a while before anyone figured out they’d been had.

    Science is all fine, unless you use its name to make improbable inferences. We can scienficially prove that such and such brand is stronger when wet… yep and we left out the microfiber cloth.

    It’s turtles all the way down after all….

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